Introduction: A little about me
Hello everyone, my major is Psychology. I want to do my masters in Speech-Language Pathology. After I finish with college, I want to be a Speech Therapist. I also want to move to Texas in the future, I know what you are thinking, boo Texas, but I will still always be a Sooner. I am currently a senior, this will be my 4th year in the University of Oklahoma. My biggest accomplishment last year was figuring out what exactly I wanted to do after I graduate and what I am passionate about which had been a constant struggle for me. This summer I took a trip to Chicago with my sister, it was great exploring a new city. I really enjoy traveling and going to different places. My goal is to visit all 50 states one day, I am almost half way there which is exciting. My favorite T.V. show is Friends, just like every other person out there. I enjoy all types of movies but comedy would probably be my favorite. Bollywood movies are also my favorite, they are very different from American movi...
Hi Pranali,
ReplyDeleteYour story did a good job of describing the characters. I liked that Rama and Sita go on walks; that seems very peaceful. It was also effective to retell the story in a modern-day setting. The readers could probably relate to the dynamic you presented more because so much of popular media is centered around models, so discussing how the unbalanced beauty standards could potentially affect relationships was very relevant. How do Sita and Rama know so much about Shurpanakha? They meet her in the park and seem to know a lot about her, so maybe giving some background on past interactions might help develop the story. Did Rama just come out and reject Shurpanakha? This sort of undermines the good-character image of Rama because this outburst seems harsh. Maybe, you could have Rama be prompted in some way by Shurpanakha.
Hi Pranali,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job of changing the original story and staying true to it at the same time. The change to the modern setting was well done, and I greatly appreciated how great your website looked on the page of the story. What if you spiced up your home page with a header image? You could also add a picture, and a brief description of the story to add more content to it. My favorite change you made what that you made Shurpanakha a beautiful model and not hideous. This change made Rama's loyalty seem more genuine, as he was facing more temptation. I wonder if Shurpanakha was partially interested in Rama because he was with Sita? Maybe she wanted to see if she could break them up for the fun of it. Also, what if Shurpanakha kept trying to flirt after being denied by Rama? Then you could add some crazy ending where Sita gets to punch her. It's a random idea, but I figured I'd toss it out there.
Hi Pranali, this is a really interesting story! I like how you've taken a more modern approach to the stories of Rama and Sita, and I really liked the small Easter Eggs in the story like Rama returning to Texas or equating being a God with being a CEO. The first story was a good view into Rama and his loyalty, but I am still wondering why Shurpanakha decides to randomly flirt with people. The second story was also interesting as you explain how Rama was exiled to Texas (I type this post 48-45 so it's a little bitter.) One thing that I think would be interesting is explaining perhaps people overlooking Rama and Sita and determine what will happen to them, similar to how Ravanna spied on them. Overall, I really enjoy the feel of the story as you describe their lives in New York City, and I think you do an excellent job of making me feel like I'm watching a movie or TV show.
ReplyDeleteHey Pranali,
ReplyDeleteI really like how your story flowed. The modern setting really drew me in and kept me attentive. I do believe that giving some background information on your story will help us even more, to better understand some situations such as Shurpanakha. Overall I think your story is going well and there are some revisions you could make, but honestly, following our professor's weekly comments will get you to the next step!
Hey Prenali! I liked that you made the story take place in modern times, this can usually help connect the reader with the characters. Your stories were quite enjoyable and so much that at the end of them I was left wondering 'what happens next?'. I think if you added a bit more detail in a concluding way, it may alleviate that feeling. For instance the story where the 2 love birds move to Texas and Sita tells Rama that everything happens for a reason.. I think maybe if you took out the "One day" and changed it to a concluding term or phrase, that could help with me not feeling so empty inside not knowing if there's anything else.
ReplyDeleteUnless of course it's leading to the next story!
Hi Pranali! I think placing Sita and Rama into modern times is very interesting. Having an introduction before the stories would help establish for the readers the time period in the characters' lives (i.e. newlyweds), as well as establish the setting. These are two important things to consider when writing a story, because it affects how the characters behave. If they had been married for forty years, things would have been told in a different manner depending on their marriage's weathering. That is why it can be helpful to establish these things for a reader beforehand, if you have the option.
ReplyDeleteI like how you have adapted the original events to work well in modern day, something that I think would be hard to do. I would, however, like a little bit more background about their families and the characters themselves. The story feels more like an outline at this point, as opposed to a detailed story, so I think just some embellishment and additional information would really bring this story to its best game-face! This is a really good and interesting start!
Hi Pranali! I think you did a great job with your stories! I like that you changed it to a modern setting. I think that is the main aspect that really kept me in engaged. You stayed true to the original version, but also added different aspects such as Shurpanakha being a model. I also like that your first story had Rama and his loyalty towards Sita being tested. And then in your second story, I liked how you gave a brief description of how married life was going for them. Also, I like how you equated them moving to Texas to their exile in the original. I’m wondering, will you mention Rama’s brothers in future stories? I think it would be cool to have them make an appearance and see what they’re all up to as well. Maybe you can even have a side plot of the brothers and their love lives.
ReplyDeleteHi Prenali! It was interesting to see the names stay the same, but the story and setting changed. I could relate the stories because of the changes that were made were not dramatic, but it also was enough to give a fresh look to the story! The stories had a really nice flow and gave a good background. I can relate to their work schedule as a married couple. That is such a real struggle! I liked how you added the kidnapping, but I was wondering why they kidnapped her? maybe you could add in a reason for the kidnapping and if they had planned it for awhile or what steps they took to execute it. Overall, I liked the stories and I can't wait to read more! It's so interesting to see a new spin on the story of Rama and Sita! You're doing a great job, so keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHello Pratali! I enjoyed reading your stories! Just a few critiques in storytelling style though. I felt that your first story was a little repetitive. A couple sentences would use the same word twice. Such as using "them" or "very" twice in the same sentence. For example, "introduce Rama, a very handsome man, to Sita, who was also very beautiful." Try and substitute some more colorful words in there because otherwise it sounds a little robotic. Colorful language goes best with love stories. I Your second story had more eccentric language and scenes which made it more exciting! I don't really have any critiques for that one and I can't wait to see what's next! Nice job overall!
ReplyDeleteHey Pratali. Your project site is coming together nicely! I really love what you have done with your stories. I think it was a clever twist to keep the names but change up the story. I feel like most of us tend to keep the story and just change the names, but you went a step farther and added in more of your awesome creative ideas. I think the stories are really good so far, but maybe need another read through and quick edit to fix some repetitive phrases. Other than that, your doing great work and I hope I get to check back in later to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Pranali! First off, I love the contemporary twist you’ve given Sita and Rama’s relationship for your project. From the cover photo on the main page to the first story, you do a great job of integrating newer twists into the old tales. I especially like that they’re walking through Central Park, and that their homes in Kansas and Florida help to characterize them as more modern. What if there were more explanation for the random friend turning up? It’s so crazy that she turned up in the exact same spot! That’s fate, I guess- and exactly right for the theme of the epics honestly. Sita getting kidnapped is terrifying! Men shoving her into a van is somehow more personal and scary than a giant vulture king swooping her up and taking her to an exotic island. Having the story end with Sita falling asleep on Rama’s shoulder was satisfying! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHey there Pranali! I absolutely loved looking at your project for this semester! Looking at your homepage reminded me of the cover to a modern romance book. Which I will admit, I am a total sucker for a good romance book any day. The pictures that you chose on your next pages worked just as well and I really wanted to just "awwww" out loud. When I started to read your first page in your site, I was immediately drawn in by your style of writing. I can't seem to put my finger on it, but the way you used certain words and structured your story reminded me of a book that I have read in the past, but sadly I just can't remember what book it is or who the author was. Regardless, after reading it I was more than ready to click on your second page and read that story as well. It felt like I was reading a modern love story but then with the original idea of Rama and Sita in the back of my mind, I was delighted to have such a seamless mixture of the two on my mind while reading. Your descriptions were so spot on and I have to say that I am really looking forward to checking out your project when you are all done. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey there Pranali,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed looking over your project Website. In your Stories you did a really good job of describing the characters. I also appreciated and thought you did a really good job of changing the original story and staying true to the plot of the original at the same time. I liked how you made your twist to the story by making it in a modern setting. A couple of things that I noticed, what if you changed the home page just a little bit to make it draw the reader in more and make them want to read your great stories. And then under each story, what if you changed the banner for each one to kind of add some customization to each story. And finally, the last thing about the stories is maybe add a little bit more background about their families and the characters, just to add a little bit more depth to the stories. I really enjoyed your stories and look forward to your future ones!
Hey Pranali!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your stories on your project! I liked how you wrote Rama and Sita's story in a more modern-day setting. I thought you did a great job changing up the story from the original, but still keeping the overall theme the same. Also, you did a good job on writing the stories and including descriptive words. I especially liked the second story where Rama saved Sita from the kidnappers. I wander if the police ever caught the men since Rama knocked them out, or did they escape? I think if you could go into more detail it will add to your story. Also, what if you made the banner bigger on your homepage? I think doing so would add more color and get your readers attention. Someone also suggested to me adding a brief description of my stories on the homepage. Overall, you did a great job on your project and good luck with the rest of your semester!